Deep Thoughts Part 3

 Marta likes to talk about sensuality, but I don’t think she would know sensuality if it bit her on the ass.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

If you ever reach total enlightenment while you’re drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver. And since he’s so busy, you’d probably have to run up to him and hand it to him.

Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS? It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around.

If you’re a boxing referee, it’s probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors.

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn’t. Just kidding. I just said that to illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when someone kills someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.

There are many stages to a man’s life. In the first stage, he is young and eager, like a beaver. In the second stage, he wants to build things, like dams, and maybe chew down some trees. In the third stage, he feels trapped, and then “skinned.” I’m not sure what the fourth stage is.

When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves. And usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV.

For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here’s a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness.

I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

Can’t the Marx Brothers be arrested and maybe even tortured for all the confusion and problems they’ve caused?

I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. “That was fun,” I said. “You bet it was,” said Nick. “Let’s climb higher.” “No,” I said. “I think we should be heading back now.” “We have time,” Nick insisted. I said we didn’t, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn’t say it was an interesting story.

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus’s-flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won’t bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I’m going to try to get back and visit my skeleton at least once a year, because, “Hey, old buddy, how’s it going?”

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